I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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