I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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