Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
