I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
