You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
