I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
