It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
