dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
