I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
