Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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