everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
