not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
