I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he was CRYING into my vagina
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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