he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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