I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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