C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
