He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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