And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
