Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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