Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
How's work?
Spinning.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
