I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
