Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
