Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Still dying that you shit outside
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
