omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize
