Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
