Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
True college students do jello shots in the library
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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