Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
