Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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