Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
