booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
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