Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
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That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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