What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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