Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
