grandma shit on top of the toilet
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
