i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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