So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
