You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
