Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
