dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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