Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
