Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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