Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
