Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
