I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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