guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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