If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
