after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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