I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
