i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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