shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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