How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Im part way to drunk.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
