In the future we'll all be gay
wat bout pragnant strippers??
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
