The brown eye won't let me do that either.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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