Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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