I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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