Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
