someone threw a dead crab at me
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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