quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
