ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
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