I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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