Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
