You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
