where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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