I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
