I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
