Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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