nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
