its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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