you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize