I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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