am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
