I will die if light touches me.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
